Freedom's Cost
by Fantome Star
Summary: Haruka loses his eyesight after a fight with Rin. Rin is determined to make things right with Haruka and fix the suffering he's caused. But what can make up for a permanent injury? Multichap, eventual RinxHaruka. Takes place before the last few episodes.
1. Chapter 1

Four days. It had been four days since Nanase Haruka had left his bedroom, had spoken to anyone, had attended school, had gone swimming. Haruka laid on his bed, covers over his face, encasing himself in eternal darkness because there was nothing left for him in the world.

Not that it would matter if his sheets were draped over his head. It would be dark anyways. Whether the light was on or off, whether his empty eyes were open or shut, whether his damn covers were on top of his face.

And to make matters worse, it was all Matusoka Rin, his former best friend but current rival's fault. It was Rin's fault they met up that day, Rin's fault they argued, Rin's fault Haruka fell, no, was _pushed_, and now Rin's fault Nanase Haruka was blind.

If he had to be honest with himself, Haruka really couldn't even remember the purpose of the fight. It happened so quickly, and by the time the back of Haruka's skull made contact with the cement walls inside the pool hall, the only thing he was focused on was how much it hurt and _why Rin_. Colors blotted his vision and blood streamed down his neck, dampening his deep blue hair and the wall behind him. Haruka slid down too the ground, smearing his blood on the cement like an artist painting on canvas. His sight blurred and darkened, and the last thing he remembered before passing out was Rin's arms picking him up and Rin's voice repeating like a mantra, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Haru, I'm sorry…"

He woke up in a hospital bed, the room silent excluding the sound of shallow breathing. Deep blue eyes fluttered open, only to see darkness that remained still. The boy was unsure whether or not he was still alive—after all, what he was seeing could accurately represent the after life. Darkness shrouded him without intention of leaving, suffocating Haruka like a heavy object pressing on his chest. "Haruka, you're awake." A hand squeezed his. The voice was Tachibana Makoto.

"Where…" Haruka sat up, confused. Pain seared through his head, a throbbing sensation pulsating from a large swelling knob. He withdrew his hand from Makoto's and pressed it to the back of his neck, slowly sliding it upwards until he felt a large bump invading the once smooth surface. "Why is it so dark?"

Although he couldn't see it, Makoto looked away. Memories of the evening spent with Rin returned, as well as the wall he collided with. "Where's Rin?" Haruka asked, lying back down again, head facing his childhood friend.

Makoto cleared his throat. "School," he replied monotonously. "He said he'd be back right after his classes. He wanted to be there right after you woke up, but…" Makoto trailed off, clearing his throat awkwardly once again. He took his hand and smoothed Haruka's hair out, offering a small source of comfort.

"What time is it?" Haruka asked, still sounding confused. For some reason, he couldn't see the clock, and Makoto wouldn't turn on the lights.

"It's almost two," Makoto replied kindly. "He should be here soon. The others too."

Haruka perked up. It was nice to know that people wanted to visit him. Even Rin, who had caused the injury. "Can you please turn on the lights?" Haruka finally insisted, uncomfortable with the pitch-black atmosphere. He really wanted to see his friends, to see Rin, and not be stuck in such a dark room.

The brunette sighed. "Haru, the lights are already on," he said gently. Makoto tried to say his next words as delicately as possible, although he knew that it was impossible to drop a bomb gracefully. "The doctors said you might've had permanent damage, so…" he faded out softly.

"So you're saying I can't see anymore?" Haruka asked quietly. "Does this mean…" No more competitive swimming, Haruka wanted to know. Would the Iwatobi Swim Club disband because of him, because he was now handicapped? They would need another teammate if they wanted to keep swimming competitively. The boy covered his face with his hands. _I'm such an idiot!_ If only they hadn't fought that night.

It was all Rin's fault, he told himself, shifting the blame to his rival. He was almost positive he could no longer swim on the team, and it was because Rin had shoved him just a bit too hard.

Suddenly, Haruka didn't want to see Rin anymore.

"Can you tell Rin not to come?" Haruka requested, his voice low. "I don't really want to see him right now…" He pulled the hospital sheets over his head, letting his eyes stream out the tears that had been held inside until then.

* * *

Back from the hospital, Haruka had gone straight to his bedroom. He ignored the knocks on his door from his friends, refused the food his mother brought (unless it was mackerel), and didn't ask for anyone's help to read the dozens of texts sent to him.

Haruka winced as he listened to the empty words that echoed in his head. You still have a bright future, they said. We have appointments with therapists and all sorts of experts that may fix you, they said. You still have friends and teachers by your side, they said. The technology for the _visually impaired_ is at its peak, they said.

They didn't say anything about swimming.

What was his future without swimming? The water was his friend, his comfort, his life, even. And he wasn't over exaggerating. Sure, he could sit in the bathtub in swimming trunks, like he used to. But he couldn't swim in the ocean, in a pool. Not without help.

And Haruka didn't want help. He wanted to swim freely, without any worries, because that was what swimming did for him. But now, his freedom was taken from him.

He could never be free again.

Another knock sounded through the door, the second one that day. "Haru, I know you're in there." Haruka didn't have to ask who was at the door. The voice belonged to Matsuoka Rin. It sounded worried, anxious, apologetic. After all, it was _him that had to say sorry and_—

"Let me see you." He began to voice his impatience. It was the fourth consecutive day that Rin had come pounding on the door, demanding entrance to Haruka's room. Although, Haruka didn't understand why Rin had to ask, because the door had no lock, and Rin could easily come right in.

Haruka wiped his eyes. He had mixed feelings about talking to Rin, and wasn't sure if he should let him in. "You can come in," Haruka sighed audibly to show his distress. "It's unlocked."

The door creaked slightly as Rin swung it open. Then it closed again. Footsteps padded across his floor, then stopped as Rin settled on the edge of Haruka's bed. "Thanks, I guess," Rin offered awkwardly. "For letting me come in, I mean."

Haruka turned to face the wall. "Mhm."

"You know I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Yeah."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Of course." Haruka squeezed his eyes shut and willed away the tears that threatened to spill.

"Did they kick you off the team?" Rin asked, sliding closer to Haruka. The blue-haired boy only nodded slightly, not trusting his own voice. "I'm really sorry about that, too."

A tense silence fell between the two. Rin coughed, and Haruka retracted his legs, curling into a balled position on his bed. "They kicked me off, too. I got in a lot of trouble after the incident, so…" The redhead swallowed. "Is there any hope? To get your eyesight back, I mean."

Haruka himself wasn't even sure. He knew that his mother was working hard to get him seen by experts, but he was almost positive it was gone forever. He shrugged his shoulders in response, causing his blankets to slip off him.

Rin leaned over to fix the fallen covers, then stroked his shoulder gently. "Don't lose hope, Haru. You know, there _are_ those people who have freak miracles and stuff." Rin ran a hand through Haruka's hair. "Now that I'm off the swim team, I'll have more free time. Do you…" Rin hesitated before finishing his offer, "want me to help you swim? It won't be on a team, but I think we could make it work."

Haruka sighed again. The touch of Rin's fingers in his hair was soothing, but it didn't make his misery dissipate completely. "I guess so," he replied finally. Rin let out the breath he was holding in, and stood up to leave.

"Tomorrow at three, I'll come. We can talk about it then." Rin offered warmly, making his way to the door. Quietly, he repeated once more before leaving, "I really am sorry, Haru."

/

**Hello Free lovers! I decided to contribute to the BL fandom with a new multi chapter story featuring my OTP, RinxHaruka. I will try to update as frequently as possible, so long as people like my story.**

**What do you think? Please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

Most of the next day was wasted in Haruka's bedroom.

At around one o'clock, his mother came in with a dish of mackerel and news of the time. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she wearily handed the plate to her son, setting it gently into his hands. "Rin said he'd come at three," she began, watching Haruka fumble with his fork. "He told me he would be taking you out. Where are you going?" Suspicion was present in her voice. Rin was the one that pushed him; it was his fault her son could no longer see. Why she even let him in to begin with, she did not know.

Haruka merely shrugged his shoulders. He nibbled at his meal, nearly missing his mouth in the process. But after nearly a week of the darkness, he began to adjust. "Should I be trusting Rin with you?" she continued, her doubt obvious to the boy beside her. "After all, he—"

"Don't talk about it, Mom," Haruka interrupted sharply. "He didn't mean to." His head hung low, eyes squeezed shut.

"You mean you've forgiven him already?"

Haruka sighed deeply with irritation. "I didn't say that. I'm not hungry, can you take my plate?" He held it out in front of him, his mother gripping the plate tightly.

The woman frowned. "You hardly ate."

"I'm not hungry. Can you set up a bath?" Haruka heard a long exhale, then the figure beside him stand up. The fork clinked on the plate. She brushed her pants off with one hand, exhaling audibly once again. The noises around him were beginning to become more and more useful to Haruka. He had a small sense of what was going on around him, without even seeing it.

"Of course," his mother finally replied after the short silence. She exited the room, twelve faint footsteps tapping on the floor. The door tapped its frame lightly; his mother had almost closed it shut, but not quite. Haruka stood up and stumbled across his room, searching for the specific drawer that contained only swimsuits.

It wasn't too hard to find. Haruka knew by heart where it was located, and even if he were wrong, he would've been able to tell by the material and the shape of the item. He felt along the drawer, running his fingers across the smooth surface of his collection of suits. He selected one at random, shut the drawer, and set it down on the floor.

Haruka pulled his shirt off his body, aimlessly tossing it aside. Next he shed the pants, his boxers, and slipped on the swimsuit he had chosen. He didn't care if sitting in a tub until the water turned chilly wearing a bathing suit appeared weird to anyone else. He'd done it before, and his current state wouldn't hold him back now.

His mother called from him down the hall. The blinded boy felt along the wall for reassurance, traveling with small and unsure steps. He had hardly left his room the past few days, and had yet to become used to walking without sight of what was ahead of him.

Haruka slipped into the tub without a word, and his mother quietly exited, leaving him at peace.

* * *

Rin nervously rang the doorbell of the Nanase household. And to his disappointment, Haruka's mother opened the door. "Hello Rin," she greeted through her teeth, only opening the entrance partway.

"Yo. I'm here to talk to Haruka," Rin replied anxiously, trying to keep his cool.

"Of course you are." Haruka's mother cleared her throat. "He's upstairs." Rin was permitted entrance, to his relief. He slipped through the door and proceeded to find his friend, when suddenly he was stopped once again. "If you hurt him again," she threatened while avoiding eye contact, "I will not hesitate to sue. You're lucky I didn't press charges before, and that Haruka still talks with you at all."

Rin swallowed, nausea plaguing his stomach. "Of course, it was an honest mistake, I didn't mean for it—"

"Sure, an honest mistake. Blinding my son and taking away one of the few things he enjoys in life." She scoffed. "I hope you pay for this the rest of your days."

Rin turned around without a response, and headed to find Haruka. He wasn't going to waste any more time on that woman.

"Hey, Haru. You ready yet?" Rin's voice flooded through the bathroom door. Haruka opened his eyes to nothing, mentally scolding himself for falling asleep in the tub. How long had it been? An hour, maybe two?

Rin opened the door, only to find a wrinkly Haruka sunken in freezing bath water. "Shit, Haru, how long have you been in there? Why haven't you gotten out yet?" Rin frantically grabbed a towel and pulled Haruka out of the tub, hastily drying his prune-like skin down. The blue-haired boy shivered violently, teeth chattering and shoulders shuddering from the cold.

"I-I was thinking," Haruka managed to say.

Rin clicked his tongue. "Can't you do that out of the water?" Suddenly, warmth enveloped the numb boy, and the shuddering ceased. Rin had wrapped his muscular arms around his friend, offering a small amount of warmth before bringing him back to the bedroom to dress. "Geez Haru, what if you drowned or something?" Rin whispered, his voice close to his friend's ear. Haruka shuddered again, but not from the cold.

After returning to the bedroom. the redhead slipped a shirt over his friend and handed a pair of pants, assuming that the swimsuit would stay on. "Let's go out," Rin offered suddenly, warmth in his low voice.

"H-huh?"

"I mean, go out to eat. So we can talk about times for swimming and stuff. Besides, it's been a while since you've left your house, right?" Rin straightened out Haruka's shirt and ran a hand through his damp hair, attempting to fix its messiness.

"But…I still haven't learned about the cane, and I have trouble walking…"

"Don't worry, Haru. I'll be there to help you."

/

**PLEASE READ: THIS IS AUTHOR FANTOME STAR. I changed my pen name and the title of this story due to privacy reasons.**

**I don't really know about Haruka's mom, so she's just kind of there because Haruka needs to be taken care of, haha. I won't put her in any more after this chapter. Also, I know Rin's hair isn't quite red but whatever.**

**Short chapter, but I really just wanted to get this updated. Enjoy.**


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